she was so not down for the gang bang
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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