just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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