That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
