I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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