If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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