Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
