Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
