im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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