I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
