I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
