I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
