he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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