don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
