Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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