If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
