it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
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We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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