1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
3pm strippers are depressing
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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