he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
