There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Randomize
