watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
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