omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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