Cold hands, warm shart.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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