walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
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