Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I've blown a few things in my day
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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