I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
