Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
