And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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