i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.