My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
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Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
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Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever