i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.