We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.