Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
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basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
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If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.