my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
