I'm really into asian looking animals
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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