Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
