It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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