Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
