Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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