I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
