When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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