Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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