I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
