you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
