You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
