ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
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Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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