Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
