Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
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