no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
