Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
She's like a pop up book from hell.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
