Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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