She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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