I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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