Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
