woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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