Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize