You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
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