Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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