Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
