I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
