I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
