i permit you to call me
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
