Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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