okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
